Tuesday, November 30, 2004

What does Christmas Mean To You?

...was what my friend asked me the other day. (The same girl who asked about Che.)

"I mean, like, it's a magical time," she said, "There's just so many...emotions...and like, no matter how religious you are, it's just so special, you know?"
"I guess."
"I mean, I love going to Church, going to Mass, all those cool things. Being with family and friends. The Tree. Shopping. Presents. The stockings," she closed her eyes, "It's just so wonderful. What does Christmas mean to you?"
"The same that it does for everyone," I smiled, "It's celebrating the birth...of Santa."

Friday, November 26, 2004

Who is Che Guevara?

A friend asked me the other day, "Who is Che Guevara?"

I said, "Oh, he's this guy originally from Argentina."

"Well, what did he do? What's his claim to fame?"

I looked at her straight in the eyes and replied, "He invented the T-Shirt."

"Ohhhh...yeah, I know that guy then. That's cool!"

Thursday, November 25, 2004

white or black?

Do you like mh.net in white or black?

white
black

  
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Never The Twain Shall Matt

Ach, funny how someone can say something long ago that always describes current situations so well.

"The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane."

--Mark Twain

Monday, November 22, 2004

A Dirty Dirty Tree Fugger

The other day I explained to a chain-smoking urbanite that I rode my bike to work and back; it's 40km both ways, I said.

She, either in jest or complete seriousness (not sure, still), called me a "Tree Hugger", for not taking my car.

Does riding the ol' Bikarooski make me a hippy, earthy, tree-hugger, mh.net fans? (And if so, what's wrong with that?)

Well, as you can imagine, just after she--the SUV-driving, cigarette-consuming, yuppiespawn--made this reference, I had to make as witty a riposte as I could.

After a long pause, I retorted.

"A Tree Hugger, eh?" I began. "I guess if that means that yes, I do like to ride my bike and use a far more pleasurable, less-polluting, simple, exhilarating and healthy alternative to my big, stinky car, then yeah I'm a Tree Hugger. Is that so bad, my friend? If that's what you think of someone who is concerned about the environment, then why should I stop at hugging? Why don't I rip the bark off that tree, strip it down to its phloem and squeeze all the sap, grab its leaves and taste its pistillate? I'll wrap my arms around the trunk and reach for every fruit I can find, until the tree is dry to its pith; then I'll photosynthesize for hours and hours...I can last forever. Deciduous, Coniferous--I go both ways. So lock up your leaflets and hide your roots..I'm a biker and a tree-fucker..and proud of it."

Saturday, November 20, 2004

Don't You Hate Those Mornings When..

...you wake up and stare out the window and see a pair of white Puma shoes hanging from the Maple tree across the road and wonder if you are still asleep? If you wonder, just for a second, if you might be delusional from some trip that didn't end at the bender the night before?

When you finally shake your head a few times, feel the throbbing in your head, dig the hangover and come to terms that yes, yes I am awake and yes, yes those shoes ARE hanging from the tree. Those shoes are real and so is the pain in my head in my neck in my shoulders my nose my eyes my lips and my back. And a strange pain in my left toe which I have no idea where it came from.

When everything becomes fuzzy again...which has abruptly concluded an evening where for a few sweet, blissful hours nothing matters, nothing is clear but everything makes sense. You know?

Speaking of shoes...where are all the one-shoed people in the world driving? Ever wonder that? All those singles of shoes on the side of the road. Not just a pair--that would make sense...thrown hastily of the window in some disgusted protest against shoes--"Fuck I hate shoes! Out the window with you!"--no, this is just one shoe in the ditch. Why, I ask you mh.net fans? Where? Where are these single shoes coming from?

There must be people everywhere, driving around with just one shoe on his or her foot.

Friday, November 19, 2004

fight bill 129

Helmet use should be a choice, not a law. For the most part helmets are a good thing. But safer cycling is more about infrastructure improvements and education for motorists and cyclists, not helmet laws.

Thursday, November 18, 2004

TV Rots Your Brain Like Crack Cocaine

So now we have Fox news AND Al-Jazeera coming to Canadian TV cable? Huzzah, Hurrah, Woo-hoo!

We should get rid of boring channels like CBC and TVO while we are at it.

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Do You Think Dostoevsky Was Single?

Because this would be a helluva thing to say to a woman in a bar.

"Man is tormented by no greater anxiety than to find someone quickly to whom he can hand over that great gift of freedom with which the ill-fated creature is born."

- Fyodor Dostoevsky

Friday, November 12, 2004

Don't You Hate Those Mornings When..

You wake up, stumble out of bed, look at yourself in the mirror and can't stop looking? When you just gaze into your sexy eyes, dig your hair, admire your healthy skin...and stand up straight to check out your hard chest and abs?

When you walk out of the door and you just know that you are smarter, stronger, faster, and infinitely better than everyone else on the street? When inside, you can feel a sense of superiority to those walking alongside you? When you finally realize that you are special? Do you have those days?


Well if you do you're a fucking narcissistic egomaniac. Go get bent. And then get some help.




Monday, November 08, 2004

Don't You Hate Those Mornings When..

You wake up, stumble out of bed, look at yourself in the mirror and discover you've become a cliché?

Me, the unshaven, messy-haired, t-shirt and jeans-wearing, running shoe-clad, artsy-fartsy, free-loving, coffee-drinking, Camus-quoting, little-read wannabe novelist who constantly bemoans the evils of the world, and makes Henry Miller into some kind of Christ figure.

Fuggin' Hell.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

J'accuse

Unfortunately now, there's not much more to say about the election. It's done; it's over; CNN-style, soft-money, in-your-face "democracy" prevailed.

I do empathize with those who didn't vote for the Republicans; Americans travelling abroad are given enough flak as it is. Can you imagine what the global community must think of the States now? Can you imagine what message this sends to Europe et al.? I'm not convinced that a Kerry would change many of the States' or the world's ills, but at least it was an alternative, I suppose.

And what of future anti-Bush protesters? What possibly can they say of their president now? He won--the people spoke.

This may be the beginning of the end, and in the final analysis, it won't matter who voted for whom. Unprecedented trade deficits, a country poorer than ever, a sick and under-funded populace that is scared shitless: The Romans are falling, friend, the Romans are falling.

US Inspires World With Attempt At Democratic Election

courtesy of www.theonion.com
November 3, 2004 - Observers from around the world report that they were inspired and moved by America's most recent attempt to hold a public election in accordance with the standards of a democratic republic.

"After all of the recriminations, infighting, and general madness before the election, the people of this fractured nation still found the courage to show up at the polls," said Anas Salman, an Afghan U.N. official who was in New York during the American electoral experiment. "More than half of America's citizens—a large portion of them women—made a valiant attempt to choose their own leader, even though there was no guarantee their votes would be counted. It was truly inspirational."
In the weeks leading up to the election, both of America's political parties alleged fraud in voter registration. Additionally, experts debated the reliability of electronic voting machines, which experienced problems in trial runs and leave no paper trail. Election officials also bemoaned many states' use of outdated punchcard machines.
Considering such disputes, Salman said he was "touched and gladdened" that voter turnout for the U.S. election nearly approached voter-turnout rates for Afghanistan's first popular elections in October, when 69 percent of citizens cast ballots.
"True, voter turnout in many parts of the world tops 90 percent," Salman said. "But it's understandable that the rate is lower in countries such as Afghanistan, where the government has raised fears of possible terrorist attacks at the polls. Our people showed great courage."

The last American presidential election, held in 2000, was also rife with problems. Myriad scandals arose concerning alleged fraud and ballot tampering. Although the Democratic candidate won the popular vote by a margin of half a million votes, the Republican candidate won the presidency with a strenuously disputed 537-vote lead in Florida, a state governed by his brother.
"Despite the specter of corruption in 2000, and even though the procedural problems which surfaced during the previous election were never remedied, the American people chose to put their faith in the system once again this year," said Joseph Mtume, a Kenyan diplomat who traveled to Ohio to view America's democratic proceedings. "You can't help but feel touched by the determination of these citizens who put their doubts aside to collectively participate in the democratic process. All this in a nation divided by war, where dissent is widespread and the rift between citizens has rarely been higher. It was truly stirring."
Carlos Cruz, an Argentinian diplomat who observed the election in Miami, said he was profoundly moved by America's democratic election.
"With my own eyes, I saw people from all walks of life waiting in long lines to cast their votes, and very few of them were turned away," Cruz said. "They believed in the democratic process, despite the existence of racial gerrymandering of the sort most recently seen in the redistricting of U.S. House seats to negate the impact of Hispanic and black voters in Texas."
Cruz said he was impressed that average citizens still participate in the "current money-dominated electoral process," even though legislators have largely ignored their repeated calls for campaign finance reform.
"Their wide-eyed earnestness was humbling," Cruz said. "Truly, my heart leaps up. I can only hope that, under such demoralizing circumstances, my countrymen would similarly rise together to try and make democracy work."
The multinational watchdog group Organization for Security and Cooperation sent 600 official observers to monitor proceedings, from countries as disparate as North Korea, Syria, and China. Many reported that they came away deeply touched.
"To see a country with such overwhelming problems—problems that affect every last citizen—have so many of its voters feel that they can still influence their leadership... words fail me," said Dae Jung Kim, a North Korean OSC delegate. "Certainly, my report to my own government will emphasize this. I will recommend that my leaders implement such American election-time strategies and tactics as would fit the North Korean model of personal freedom, such as their elegant Electoral College and the inscrutable voting machine."

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

What's In A Name? (Yours.)

Since there's not much going on in the world today, this the first tuesday of November, I wanted to make mention of something. It's great that y'all post a comment and tell me I am crazy or have no idea what I am talking about; I read each one of them. However, if you would like a response of some kind (maybe you just want to yell?) so that we can engage in some kind of mildly intelligent dialogue, you are gonna have to leave me an email address. I have loads to respond with, to most of the comments I get, and it's a bit of a shame that I can't---especially when I'm told I'm a racist, a hippy, a nutter or fag-loving socialist.

p.s. Happy pseudo-democracy day to my friends to the south.