Farewell To Gilligan's Island

I miss that show already.

Bohemian RapCity

Hello folks,

Sorry for the lack of blogs lately; your favourite artsy-fartsy writer dude has been up north in Ruralania, hanging with the famdamily. I always love to be around the white folks in the land of the monolith.

Isn't it funny to see rednecks dressed up Gangstah style? I wonder what Malcolm X would say to some honkie hick with his hat on sideways, sporting the bling, and quoting Tupac?

Girl Is Dead

Girls are dead. Take a look around, Frederik, it ain't just God that's bit the bullet.

There are no more girls--innocent, free, carefree girls who wear what they want and do what they wish. Sure, there's always been pressure for women--we indocrinate them from the start with dress-up and dollhouses (and similarly, quite dissimilar stuff for dudes, but that's for another day)-- but now, more than ever, the girl does not exist--there is only a woman in her stead.

Yes, yes, sex sells--it always has and always will. Yes, yes, I've always been a buyer--I flip through People to see Paris's latest dress and oops...my eyes always seem to direct themselves to Britney. I once spent 35 dollars in Brazil on a horribly cheap Hanes knockoff t-shirt because I was tagteamed (saleswomanly, not sexually) by a pair of hot clerks.

But jaysus, look at what the girls are wearing and saying! I dug the hiphugger when I first saw it in Europe and South America. That was when 19-year-old + gals wore them. The thing is--11-year-olds don't have hips. Girls are using razors on parts unknown before there's even hair--like the boy shaving his hairless face--they want to be older; that means they want to be sexually mature faster..stronger..higher, than ever before.

Hiphop, in all of its potential in the nineties, has only exacerbated this. It was a medium for a message for inner city sufferers, initially. Now, with its "commodification", its "bling bling and women are whores and biatches" message has only made the situation worse. Gangstah has made girls into another commodity to be owned and used.

Where are the mothers, though? When the "girlwoman" is made up like a call girl and the thong strings are pulled up high like a tightrope--there is often a mother in tow, taking her to the mall, the outlet, wherever.

Our society has become a pornocracy. It's always been a little of this--harkening back to the 10th and 11th century when the ladies of the night--the courtesans--the whores --managed to sway the elites of the Papal court with their "capabilities"--but now the elites are the whores; they've turned the table on us and rehired the courtesans in the form of Paris, Britney and Christina.

Yeah, yeah, I know I'm a rogue, a scoundrel, a womanizing wannabe bohemian. And yeah, I'll probably never have a girlfriend because I'll never have a wife (or a woman) who will consensually produce offspring, but still...if I did have daughters I'd be scared shitless.

Clichés In Grade Six English

I had a flash the other day; an old memory that floated to the surface of the brain-sea. I remember being in my Grade Six English class where we had a special guest for the period--a "writer." She came in to speak to us about, well, writing. I don't remember how much she wrote--or for whom or what--only that she wrote and was a writer. She may have written a novel, she may have written for magazines...I don't remember. I just remember that she had typed pages in her hand that were crisp and clean and used big, adult words.

So, we all sat and stared at her as she gave us a little talk on improving our writing. Since I was in a "gifted" class in grade school, we had a bunch of eager beavers with their writing samples. One fellow, a guy whom I was friends with whenever I wanted a sci-fi fix, Shawn Bullock, had written a short story about life on a distant planet that had gone to pot. I had read this two-page tale before and was, at the time, impressed with his mastery of the language. It was a good story, and certainly sounded pretty impressive with its sombre tone and vision of the future on this dystopic planet. I think everyone had read it in the class and thought he was the next Asimov.

So he reads it aloud to the class. We were again awestruck and proud of our Shawn--what a great writer he is, we thought (and he was, at the time--a really smart guy, too) and waited for the reaction of the "real" writer.

She sat there, frowning, as this 10 year-old kid finished reading his pride and joy. She hummphed and exhaled. The first thing she said was, "Why do you lower your writing by using clichés?" Shawn's face went red. None of us knew what a cliché was.

Shawn had written that the situation on the planet was "going nowhere fast." Of course now, I understand what she means. Clichés are one of several things that one tries to avoid in writing--it's one of the basic no-nos that are taught to beginner writers. That and adverb overuse. (I overwhelmingly agree.)

It just strikes me now that what that woman did was really shitty. I mean, here is a kid that is barely a decade old that loves to write. He really did. And this woman, who I realize now may very well have been a very new writer herself--maybe she wrote a few articles for the local paper--couldn't put her ego in check after reading a "How To Be A Writer 101" book and learning about the improper use of clichés. Of course she's right--saying "the sky is blue" or "She fell head over heels in love" is totally lackluster--they have been overused and therefore don't convey the same message anymore: they are powerless. One is advised to avoid clichés at all costs to avoid tired language and make up his/her own expression or phrase to explain something.

If you think about it, writing is like any craft; it's an ongoing lesson. Every time I learn a tiny aspect that I think improves my writing I don't go broadcast it, because shit, I still have a long way to go. Maybe it's a journey that never ends, anyway.

So why did this woman do this to the poor kid? Did it make her feel special? Probably. Telling a bunch of 10 year-olds how to write always does.

Hmmph. Maybe I should go give relationship advice to the local public school down the street.